No, my posting is not in jeopardy, it's only that I'm terrified of the idea of having to speak to a fellow professional re this. I've obviously had meds and psych screening interviews before last week, it's only that this particular doctor did not allow me to breeze over his questions as I suppose I have done in the past. Incredibly, I found myself instantly responding to his questions with all the same lies I had told so many times when I was a kid. It was just an instant reaction to his probing which just made the whole situation even more humiliating as he obviously saw straight through my cover stories. Look, I don't even know why I'm posting here, I feel like an idiot at my age and in my profession. I guess i just wanted to tell SOMEONE how I feel and the anonymity helps. I know other people feel shame when they're abused and I thought talking to others that felt these same feelings may help me get thru this. I know that the abuse people on this site may have experienced is different from my life, I just feel stripped of my dignity, as though I have regressed to being that kid that has to hide everything and lie and cover things up.