Hi everyone,
Maybe this is me seeking solace and maybe some
therapy, but I want to get this off my conscience. Of
late, I've been watching TV shows - dramas if you will
on TV - like House, Law & Order and such. Most of
these shows have features of people in despair
committing suicide or killing others in despair.
My dad committed suicide because of his despair and
his schizophrenia. Whenever I see this element in a
show, it gets me scared and even wondering about the
whole thing all over again to the point of why someone
would, feeling scared a bit of the thoughts. I would
never commit suicide - I value the gift God gave me,
and would never squander it by taking a coward's way
out or do that to my family, but still the thoughts
make my skin crawl. Or when you hear truly horrible
stories like someone putting a pet in a microwave and
you start wondering how they could and why, and just
the thought of - what would it be like - and that
singular thought just horrifies me that I get the
creeps all over again, sick to the stomach and cold
all over. Or even when folks admit to giving their
soul to the devil and I know I'm scared of ever saying
those words, because I love the Lord.
How do I stop these ideas, I'm not schizophrenic - I'm
sane, but I think my dad's death and his life dealing
with a disease I didn't know he had until my 20s just
still haunt me.
I need some advice and some comfort tonight. Damn
House, killing off a main character. I can't believe
it.
Thanks
Kim