Hey Carol, y'know I really need to thank you. I don't even know you or who you are or your situation but you reaching out to respond to me definately means something to me. I posted here as I needed to hear from others that my feelings are normal, and shared. You seem to be a very kind, generous person and I'm very grateful that you took the time to talk to me.
In regards to my situation, well I'm off to speak to one of my colleagues next week, arrghh I feel ill with the anticipation. I guess it's ironic and just a little bit funny that I see personnel everyday who probably feel the same way coming to see me!
Well, I'm trying (rather desperately) to make light of the circumstances but I'm still terrified of next week. Honestly, I have considered resigning my post to avoid speaking to another psychologist. How can something from so long ago interrupt my adult life in such a profound way? To answer your question, yes the doctor was very nice, obviously concerned with my past and wanting to 'help' me. I just don't wish to be 'helped'. I didn't get any help when i needed it years ago, it's freaking AMAZING what teachers and other adults will ignore... It's not as though my abuse was well hidden, sure I lied and lied about things but it's really not difficult to see through kid's lies re abuse. Why now? I don't need intervention now. I needed someone to force me to face this when I was 10 and couldn't fend for myself, not now when I am a happy, well adjusted adult enjoying my life. Hmm, sometimes life kind of sucks...