Sorry to post and not be able to explain everything in depth as doing this at work and shouldn't be.
Just.....I was abused for years by my father. Over the years I've discovered myself and feel much stronger as a person and had very good counselling from One In Four which has helped me no end.
My father is back in my life, which is my choice as I feel I can handle things..... I like seeing him and having a father and daughter relationship (albeit that it is very weird as I can't forget my abuse and he's as mad as a hat stand at times). Trouble is since my mother has died he relies on me a lot more. He's not very well and in and out of hospital.
He is in hospital this coming Monday and staying at my place over night (as I live next door to the hospital and he needs someone with him over night). My husband lives with me but even though I know my father wouldn't try anything it makes me feel uncomfortable.
I didn't think things were a problem but last night I couldn't sleep, I woke up at 3.00 and couldn't get back to sleep as having a mild panic/anxiety attack. I felt I couldn't breathe, I still do actually. I lay awake thinking about things and found myself thinking about my dad and getting angry and panicked how all of a sudden its getting a bit overwhelming...he's an old man, he might die soonand that is bringing strange pressures. The family talk about our responssibilities as a family and.....anyway I'm finding it difficult and thought I would post my thoughts on here.