Hey Flower Girl,
A quick response as I'm at work, but my hugs and well wishes to you for this time you are going thru (or have had to go thru, it maybe be somewhat past now). Its been so many years without the physical presence of the situation in your face, that now you see it again, even though the circumstances have changed. I would feel that panick too. Its an ugly natural reaction, that I do hope for you continues to get better and stronger each day.
I'm sorry to hear you are having to go thru this roughly, but you are bravely going thru with it. You will always be inspiring to me. I'm glad you posted your thoughts.
Keep us posted. Take care my friend,
Carol