I am new to these message boards and I know this is long past but wanted to extend my sympathies for you. I tried to commit suicide a couple of years ago. I have been clinically depressed for a couple of years and that particular week was a very bad one. My marriage was falling apart, I was having bad panic attacks and I cried solidly for a week. I made the attempt simply because I wanted the pain to stop and saw no other way out. You cannot know why someone does this sort of thing. I would simply say to try and avoid blamming yourself, this was their choice.
I cannot speak for anyone else. What is was like for me was a stop in the endless vortex of emotions that encased me. It was peaceful and still. I felt more calm then than I ever have in my life before. Everything was so still. I was very detached from myself, it was like watching myself through some glass. I was lucky and managed to come to some semblance of rationality, enough to get help before it was too late. It was not about anyone else, it was not about hurting my family and it was not about being a coward. Depression has a way of altering thought processes. At the time it seems an entirely rational thing to do. Having now come out of my depression I can appreciate how horrific it is for loved ones.
Try not to think about it too much and if you find yourself dwelling on it call a friend or do some activty that distracts from the negative thoughts. Be well.
Louise