Hey Rez, wow, that was a really sweet post you wrote. Thank you so much. I just was concerned and wanted to know how you were.
Sorry for my delay once again - my computer has been out of commission while I've tried my hand at hardware installation, putting in a new dvd burner. And since I've been going thru a black period as of late, it makes me slow at getting things done as fast as I'd like to get them done.
Don't let things get to you to the point you would want to give up. I am glad you are here, on this board and have NOT given up. I'm proud of you that you talked to your colleague. Remember, its painful to talk about things that upset you, but we forget that once we air these feelings and thougths out, they get a little easier to deal with.
Rez, from what little I know about you, I do think you are an amazing person, just for taking the steps you have started to take on your way to your own happiness, even if they are baby steps, your are doing it. I am worried about you, and that you are drinking heavily to get to sleep, but I think you recognize this as a coping mechanism. I think sometimes I use that similar excuse, not to sleep, but to get my boyfriend to open up and talk to me. (thats another story I will rely in another post)
When I quit smoking, I fell into a terrible depression. I was crying all the time, I couldn't think straight. My regular check-up Doctor perscribed anti-depressants (which I hated, thinking do I really need these??). They helped me to focus. I still had to go through some very painful decisions that I just let happen without much conviction, but I was able to cope with the crumbling world around me.
Anyway, I'm sure others have suggested to see your doctor. I hope I'm not being a broken record, but its worth it. At least to help you get you a little more focused. Things won't be easy for you until you feel like you are on stable ground again.
I do care Rez. I see you needed a friend and someone you could talk to. I'll try not to be so delayed in my replies, but know that since I am the main moderator of this board, I get everyone's post by email, so I see every post. And not only that, I am thinking of you.
Take care, big hugs (or as I almost wrote "bug higs" lol) and keep me posted on how you are,
Carol