Good luck and keep in touch.
The question you need to ask yourself is why are you holding onto the past? It is doing you damage and there is no need to hurt yourself with it any more. Let go.
When I was leaving my husband, just after my suicide attempt, my grandmother died, someone who raised me. I trod down on my grief and had so many things tearing me apart that I didn't acknowledge it. It was only after seeing the war zone and discussing some of my feelings with my long distance partner that I saw I was holding onto things. Those people weren't hurting me any more, I was doing that for them all by myself. It was only after I let those emotions go that I also realised I had never said goodbye to my grandmother. I think I cried all that night and finally, 18 months later, was able to say good bye. So I caution you about just squishing down the emotions, they have to be acknowledged and they have to be released and then you can start healing. If you can't deal with the negativity and loneliness then distract yourself. But the other issues need to be dealt with. When you are in a safe place, your apartment/home and where you can just purge the poisen. A councellor might well be able to help you. There is no shame in going to one. Good luck and keep in touch.