Hey Everyone, especially Carol, So sorry it's been quite some time since I posted, been pretty busy with Defence but have some down time ATM. Thanks to all for the kind and thoughtful words, this has definately been a disruptive year! Having said that, I am not so caught up in all the emotions I was feeling earlier this year. I'm at the point where I realise that yes, my life when I was younger sucked, big time!! In fact, I don't really know how to put my life into words it was something beyond description. However, i no longer feel 'lost' myself, i've managed to separate that abused kid from myself as an adult. I am trying to put it behind me although that is not as simple as it may seem. I don't feel so out of control these days but I still seem to be 'triggered' by so much, memories come flooding in at the smallest sign, last week it was a toddler being screamed at by his 'mother' at the supermarket, today a teenager with a cast on his arm looking forlorn....Is there anyway to brace myself from these experiences? Has anyone had similar feelings? I ask as I don't wish to be a slave to these kind of emotions whenever I see abuse in public, I want to put my childhood behind me and at 33 years of age it's about time for this issue to DISAPPEAR. I don't know if it's too much to share specific stories about my past, please let me know if I have said too much. I just feel as though telling you people about things may take the weight from me. I'm tired of the secrecy. One fine memory is of my father grabbing my face when I had dared to ask for extra custard at dinner, he was so angry that he tilted my head back enough to pour the hot custard down my throat, it burned and i started choking but that wasn't enough for him, he grabbed my hand that held the spoon and twisted it behind my back, he pulled it high enough until something in my forearm snapped. My mother was too scared to take me to the hospital for a few hours so i just lay there holding my arm and hoping that the pain would go away.Sometimes I feel like my life as a child I was just a rag doll and my life didn't really start til I was an adult but then I feel as though I need to face life and the past, any advice would be an asset. Cheers everyone, hope life is treating you all well, xo, Rez.