Thanks, Ronda. I think I knew this all along but I put the truth out there so it had to stare me back in the face. I talked to one of my girlfriends today about going to aa and she said she would go with me but I think, for now, it's something I need to do myself. As for the family, I still can't help blame them for not being there. I went to rehab in Feb of 2007, seven months before I was diagnosed with this accursed disease, of my own accord. Nobody cared or followed up. I had been hospitalized several time after Sept, and they all gave me a bunch of grief about not calling to tell them I had been admitted. I would shoot them an e-mail afterwards telling them that things were ok and that I would be ok. So go figure - I get admitted, call my sister and she never even phoned any of the other siblings to let them know I had been admitted or even phoned while I was still in the hospital. All communication has been on my side. I feel like I'm screaming for help and they won't hear me or help me.
Guess it's time to pull myself up by the bootstraps (as my mother used to say)and get this thing done. Thank you for your honest response - it simply validates the ongoing conversation and inner dialogue I've been having the past few months