Well, I sometimes have my doubts too, even about the love I believe to have received. Because things did not turn in such a way that could have confirmed me the reality of this love. But I can still feel the touch of this love, so how come? But the absence hurts too damn bloody much. I can't handle it.
Jumping from but to but (now make yourself a picture of it!), if I can understand the temptation to be admired by lots: what is the quality of this admiration? Often for physical reasons primarily, which makes the people completely overlook the real quality of the person - and a beautiful person physically is not the guarantee of an equally beautiful soul, which is the only justification for outer beauty I can conceive.
Or the person is admired for his or her "brilliant mind" (often a way to imply that the admirers consider that this person is better listened to than looked at). Still, a person recognised as a "brilliant mind" could even so be overlooked for his or her real soul quality. But what do we really look for? Isn't it for the genuine recognition of what is invisible to the eye and only recognisable by the heart? Do we know how it feels to realise the shallowness of this wide admiration? Isn't just one person with sincere love a better feeling and reality?
But G, I trust that such a man exists for you. I also have learned, like President Clinton brothers said it on TV one day: "nothing good comes easy" (that is a song of him, yes he is musician). I want to say it like this: we can less and less fall in the trap of the superficial the more we can wake up to the essential ... and the more we can recognise, appreciate it in others and in us, and experience it in our life. It takes a lot to penetrate a human's soul, I know what I am talking about for myself - it could also go too far and bring one to extremely challenging, dangerous moments of uncertain outcome. But once the process and exploration begins, it is irreversible, and the more it goes, the more our relatioship to each other become sincere, deep, loving and magical.
I wish you a blessed 2004 TFM